I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
