If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
