Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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