PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
