just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
