I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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