My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He felt like a one man threesome
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
