He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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