and my herpes radar will keep us safe
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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