Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
