Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
we're chasing vodka with high fives
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
