Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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