dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
