I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
