Someone shit on the floor
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
