You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
