I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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