I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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