theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
As shirtless as possible
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Watching her eat just hurts me
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
