I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
