Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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