So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
