Well douche your snatch and let's go!
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
