i permit you to call me
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
