know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
