he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
