tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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