you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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