Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
