I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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