But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
