Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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