Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
