cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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