took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
