so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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