this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
