im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
