I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
