i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
