Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
