Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Enjoy the penises
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
