Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
