I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
