I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
