I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
