All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
