I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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