Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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