Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
